{"id":2537,"date":"2017-05-10T11:13:01","date_gmt":"2017-05-10T11:13:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.spotlight.com\/?p=2537"},"modified":"2026-03-13T13:56:48","modified_gmt":"2026-03-13T13:56:48","slug":"an-actors-story-living-with-mental-illness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spotlight.com\/news-and-advice\/lifestyle-wellbeing\/an-actors-story-living-with-mental-illness\/","title":{"rendered":"An Actor’s Story: Living with Mental Illness"},"content":{"rendered":"

An\u00a0anonymous actor opens up about her lived experience with mental illness\u00a0<\/em><\/h3>\n

As part of our series for Mental Health Awareness Week, we spoke to two actors about their personal experience with mental health concerns, and the psychological impact of being an actor. Here is the second\u00a0in the series.<\/em><\/p>\n

Part Two: \u201cLucy\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n
\n
\n
I realised I can\u2019t talk about myself, and my life, and where I\u2019ve been and where I\u2019m going, without talking about mental health issues, because it\u2019s such a big part of me. It\u2019s almost like you\u2019re keeping out a bit of yourself.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The Backstory<\/strong><\/h4>\n

When I was still at uni, I\u2019d just been diagnosed with OCD. It got really bad, and I didn\u2019t really speak or function very well. I was also in a play, in one of the lead roles. I realised that when I was acting and when I was that other character, I was fine. I didn\u2019t have any of the intrusive thoughts or anxiety that I normally had. For two hours on a Tuesday I would be completely fine. I realised \u2018I love this, I love being someone else\u2019, and it really helped me. It was only then I thought, \u2018I want to do this properly\u2019. At the time it was kind of like escaping.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m Dutch, and we have a saying: \u2018Just be normal, that\u2019s weird enough\u2019. My family don\u2019t really talk about feelings much. My drama training helped me get to my emotions, before that nothing used to make me cry, really. My friends used to refer to me as the \u2018Ice Queen\u2019. But after [training], I can cry [as needed] – it\u2019s that kind of \u2018on the spot\u2019 ability to channel your emotions.<\/p>\n

Accessing Emotions and Choosing Roles<\/strong><\/h4>\n

[As an actor] you have to be able to draw on emotions and go, \u2018Ok, that was it\u2019. I found that I wasn\u2019t able to do that. Whenever it would get quite deep, I wouldn\u2019t be able to go on and then say, \u2018I\u2019m fine now\u2019. I think with my actor friends it\u2019s easier to talk about mental health stuff, I guess because everyone is quite in tune with their emotions and is quite open. You get used to talking about yourself and being as open as you can. Whenever you\u2019re exploring a character there can\u2019t really be any inhibitions. You always have to go to places.<\/p>\n

When I was back home as a student I wouldn\u2019t tell anyone about those things at all. It was only my close friends I would talk to. In London, we were much more open about it. We\u2019d have classes about it and construct our life road map. And I realised I can\u2019t talk about myself, and my life, and where I\u2019ve been and where I\u2019m going, without talking about mental health issues, because it\u2019s such a big part of me. It\u2019s almost like you\u2019re keeping out a bit of yourself. It wasn\u2019t until that year that I started talking about it and started sharing it. Being around other actors helped a lot of people, and to open up. I think in general, actors are quite in tune and able to draw from that.<\/p>\n

I recently acted in a 24hr film challenge, and I had to play a really distressed character. The thing with film acting is it\u2019s not that emotional at all. You literally have to act to a door sometimes – you\u2019re basically telling a door that you love them. And there has to be something within you that can draw from somewhere. You have to be ready at a moment\u2019s notice. In that respect, you have to think how you can channel that and get to those emotions. It\u2019s so important to keep talking about things, and have someone who brings that out in you.<\/p>\n

The Harsh Realities of the Profession<\/strong><\/h4>\n

[When you are an actor] you have those periods of being without a job and waiting for the next opportunity. You get all that free time, and that free time can be quite daunting. I was saying today that I had a free morning, and all that time alone can make it worse.<\/p>\n

I think my OCD is such a big part of me that it will affect everything I do. It affects the roles and opportunities that I go for, and what I think would suit me. Also, I downplay myself. Most of the times I go for the quirky outsiders. When I finished training, the teachers would say \u2018this is what I would see you cast as,\u2019 and I would be the foreign, quirky, unhinged character, which makes sense. I know I can get to these places so I subconsciously do want to explore that. Once you have been cast it\u2019s a case of trying to get into this character\u2019s mind. I find when I\u2019m on a set or when I\u2019m filming something, I\u2019m much calmer mentally. I also have a script and I know exactly what I\u2019m going to do for that day, and in that scene. I find for my OCD, that\u2019s really soothing and nice. Once it\u2019s over, I fall back into the, \u2018I have nothing to do and nowhere to go now\u2019 feeling.<\/p>\n

Coping Day by Day<\/strong><\/h4>\n

If you\u2019re prone to depression and anxiety, it\u2019s important to have people around you who will, for example, take you out, and be a good support system. Having someone to speak about it to is important. There\u2019s still so much stigma around mental health, and you just get on with things. I find that Twitter has helped a lot. I saw people making jokes about anxiety and it normalised it a lot more for me. From that point, you\u2019re also able to recognise a lot more stuff. When I was at uni all I knew was that I really liked acting, because it relaxed my brain and I wasn\u2019t worrying. My sister, who\u2019s a doctor, recognised what was going on with me. It\u2019s weird when there\u2019s no name for it and you\u2019re not talking to anyone about it. Only knowing that you really like to not be yourself.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s really important to find something that works for you, and it\u2019s different for every individual. For me, it\u2019s walking, running, clearing my head. Getting music on. Or just sitting behind the piano and singing. Anything to get it out, almost physically.<\/p>\n

If you have a really intense scene, find something nice for your brain to do after. It\u2019s draining. Your body can\u2019t really tell that you\u2019re acting sometimes. I did a short film where in the story I got brutally attacked, so I had to go to quite deep places. By the end of it I felt like I had run a marathon with all the shaking. I don\u2019t know if my brain realised that it wasn\u2019t real. It\u2019s important to be able to recover quickly for jobbing actors, so being kind to yourself is so important. It\u2019s fine if you\u2019re not fine, and you just need some time. It\u2019s so funny how you go through all these emotions when you yourself are not completely ready for it. It\u2019s important to make yourself tough so you are ready and resilient. It\u2019s not something that ever gets easier, and you\u2019re portraying humans, so it\u2019s never a simple character. Even if you just have a few lines, there\u2019s always something behind it. Those really intense roles take a lot of you, and I think every time it touches someone, it\u2019s because they recognise something.<\/p>\n

Understanding the Stigma<\/strong><\/h4>\n

With OCD, it\u2019s seen as this cute, quirky thing that people just throw out there; \u2018Oh, I\u2019m a bit OCD about my dishwasher!\u2019 I guess that\u2019s because people don\u2019t really talk about it. Nobody addresses the actual issues, and if you let that happen it becomes this throwaway thing. My favourite things people say are, \u2018Ah, it\u2019ll be better tomorrow,\u2019 or \u2018What have you got to be upset about?\u2019 And, \u2018Why are you getting so worked up, it\u2019ll be fine.\u2019 It\u2019s not really something you can blame people for, it\u2019s just the lack of understanding and lack of knowledge about it. There\u2019s only a handful of films I can think of where it\u2019s touched upon. You don\u2019t get what it is like on a day-to-day basis. It\u2019s the same with bipolar disorder. It\u2019s terrible how people throw those terms around for anything \u2013 you have no idea of the effect it has on people. That\u2019s why I think Mental Health Awareness Week and Time to Talk are so important. I thought if I ignored it and was quiet about it, it would go away. I think that\u2019s because when you\u2019re in it, when you experience it, there\u2019s a shame within that. You need the right people around you to say, \u2018This is fine.\u2019<\/p>\n

At the request of the interviewees, names have been changed. If you\u2019re struggling with any mental health issues, Wellbeing In The Arts<\/a> has lots of helpful resource.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An\u00a0anonymous actor opens up about her lived experience with mental illness\u00a0 As part of our series for Mental Health Awareness Week, we spoke to two actors about their personal experience with mental health concerns, and the psychological impact of being an actor. Here is the second\u00a0in the series. Part Two: \u201cLucy\u201d I realised I can\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":106,"featured_media":2905,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[134,48],"class_list":["post-2537","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle-wellbeing","tag-lindsay-eyers","tag-mental-health"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAn Actor's Story: Living with Mental Illness | Spotlight<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"An actor shares their personal experience of living with OCD, the psychological impact of performing, and finding support in the industry.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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