{"id":1475,"date":"2022-06-21T09:30:37","date_gmt":"2022-06-21T09:30:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.spotlight.com\/?p=1475"},"modified":"2026-03-13T14:00:47","modified_gmt":"2026-03-13T14:00:47","slug":"dealing-with-self-pity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spotlight.com\/news-and-advice\/lifestyle-wellbeing\/dealing-with-self-pity\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with Self-pity"},"content":{"rendered":"

Six tips to help you stave off self-pity when you receive a knockback.<\/h3>\n

Let me start by declaring that I am the biggest self-pitier of them all. However \u2018woe is me\u2019 you think you are, I\u2019m \u2018woe-ier\u2019 and \u2018me-ier\u2019. My long-suffering partner deserves an MBE for her patience in the face of the whinging bin-fire of a human being I\u2019ve become.<\/p>\n

When I started out in the entertainment business, I don\u2019t recall being so mawkish. Pirouetting out of drama school with nothing but a dance belt and a dream, I seemed to wave off negativity and bounce back with ease. But now that I feel closer in age to McKellen than I do to McAvoy, rejection leaves me moping, maudlin and binge-eating Minstrels.<\/p>\n

Self-pity should be the 8th Deadly Sin. I loathe it both in myself and others. It\u2019s easy to believe that life is unfair and that one is hard done by, but to dwell on this is to do oneself an enormous disservice so I\u2019m sharing six tips to help you stave off the dreaded stinking thinking.<\/p>\n

1. There\u2019s no business, like woe business<\/h4>\n

Next time you receive a knockback, give yourself a gift of 24 hours to sulk, rail and wail. Then take a breath and move on. I know that’s easier said than done, especially when you\u2019re entering day three under the duvet having done nothing but rewatch Bake Off on More4.<\/p>\n

Acknowledging those negative feelings for just one day gives you some of the validation you\u2019ve been craving. However, it won\u2019t cure you. After the day is done, turn off the TV, open the window and wash those sheets whilst explaining to your flatmate that those marks on your quilt\u00a0\u201creally\u00a0are<\/em>\u00a0just melted Minstrels!\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Enough about me. What do you think about me?<\/h4>\n

Remember, we have two ears and one mouth, which means we should listen twice as much as we speak. If your friend\/partner\/parent is trying to help you, then\u00a0listen.\u00a0They\u2019re only seeking to support you so don\u2019t close communication with them thinking that they don\u2019t understand your plight.<\/p>\n

Try not to play the victim either. Be aware of other people\u2019s issues before going full Hamlet and monologing about your own situation. It\u2019s a tiring endeavour to constantly rescue someone from their funk with little or no acknowledgement in return.<\/p>\n

3. Why? Why? Why?<\/h4>\n

LifeHack.org<\/a>\u00a0offers up a good trick. We often make the mistake of asking ourselves low-quality questions using the word \u2018why?\u2019 For example; Why\u00a0me? Why\u00a0didn\u2019t I get that job? Our subconscious will then immediately supply low-quality answers like; because you\u2019re useless. Because you have no talent. Because your face looks like a cobbler\u2019s thumb.<\/p>\n

Instead, try to reframe the question into a ‘how’, ‘when’ or a ‘what’. How can I change this situation? When is the best time to reach out to that agent? What does success look like to me? You\u2019ll be surprised how effective this is.<\/p>\n

4. Don\u2019t believe the gripe<\/h4>\n

If someone spoke to you as you\u00a0speak to yourself, you\u2019d quite rightly want to give them a high five\u2026 to the face! Negative self-talk is one of the quickest ways to sabotage your career. It\u2019s kryptonite to an actor. It damages your confidence, distorts your focus, and reduces your ability to get up and try again so instead, talk to yourself as you would to your best friend. Be compassionate, honest, encouraging and kind.<\/p>\n

5. Team you!<\/h4>\n

Here\u2019s a fun tip! Create a fantasy support council for yourself made up of four advisors who are real or fictional people. Picture yourself telling this team your issues and then imagine what guidance they\u2019d give. My personal crew comprises of Oprah Winfrey for her sage advice, Dwayne \u2018The Rock\u2019 Johnson for motivation, Gary Oldman for his acting prowess and Keith Richards because, well, who doesn\u2019t want a Rolling Stone having their back?<\/p>\n

6. Pour me\u2026 another drink. Or don\u2019t.<\/h4>\n

When it comes to booze I\u2019m no angel. I\u2019ve had my fair share, and probably yours too. But be careful supping whilst in a negative mindset, it\u2019s called a depressant for a reason. A sweaty session in the gin can feel like the right move at the time, but it seldom is. Now, I\u2019m not in the business of telling you how to live your life, but I\u2019ve seen many talented people lost to the overdrafts of the bottle bank.<\/p>\n

So, there we are. A few techniques that have worked for me when I\u2019ve been seeing more of Miss Fortune than I have of Lady Luck. Soon you\u2019ll be shrugging off knockbacks, beaming positivity and your bulk-bought Minstrels will remain unscoffed. Feel free to send them to me via the usual address instead.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/span><\/a>Richard Sutton has been a professional actor for 20 years. His credits include ‘Line of Duty’, ‘The Crown’, ‘EastEnders’, ‘Emmerdale’, ‘Sherlock’, ‘Humans’, ‘Casualty’ and AMC’s ‘The Terror’ showing on BBC2 and iPlayer this Spring. His most recent work was in the West End and number one tour production of ‘Ghost Stories’, which was cut short sadly due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Richard is on\u00a0Instagram @richardsuttonactor<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Headshot by Daniel Sutka.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Main image by Drew Coffman via Unsplash.com<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Six tips to help you stave off self-pity when you receive a knockback. Let me start by declaring that I am the biggest self-pitier of them all. However \u2018woe is me\u2019 you think you are, I\u2019m \u2018woe-ier\u2019 and \u2018me-ier\u2019. My long-suffering partner deserves an MBE for her patience in the face of the whinging bin-fire […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2771,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[48,47],"class_list":["post-1475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle-wellbeing","tag-mental-health","tag-wellbeing"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDealing with Self-pity | Spotlight<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Discover 6 practical tips for actors to move past self-pity and maintain a positive mindset in the industry.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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